2018 was a year both crazy and unforgettable in many ways. I’ll remember it by the amazing concerts we’ve seen, great trips we’ve taken with great people, a new job, starting my blog, new lifestyle changes, meeting new wonderful people and creating memories with the “old” ones. Some people have left our lives, some have seamlessly snuck into our hearts. But nothing will mark this year as much as that moment, on the 15th of May,when I saw that little plus sign on that fateful pregnancy test.
What a bomb of emotions: fear, happiness, disbelief and confusion. And after that, 9 crazy months of various life changes, emotions and constant preparations for your arrival.
I did everything by the book. I had excel lists of everything we would need, where we would buy it, how much it would cost, how to save money, what items are a priority…
I read every book I could get my hands on, and your dad and I went to every possible pregnancy and birthing course that existed. This made our paths cross with Jasmina, our wonderful doula, which had a wonderful and important role in your preparing for you, as well as for your arrival itself.
We prepared everything while patiently waiting for you, talking to my huge balloon of a belly in the hopes that we will get to know you and that you would feel how much we love you.
My balloon belly is gone and I sit here and write this letter while looking at my empty belly, completely confused, so I look to the side and see you lying on your dad and am left breathless because my heart grows so much that it fills my entire chest.
You surprised us by your early arrival on the 27th of December just as you surprised us with the plus sign on the 15th of May. But that’s why you gave us the most profound experience of childbirth that anyone could have ever had and thank you for that. I will never forget that magical moment and I’m still in disbelief that it happened to me and that when people asked “how was your birthing experience?” I can honestly say ” it could not have been better. “
When I took you in my arms, the whole world took a movie like turn, and my field of vision turned into a tunnel sees only you. I knew that moment that there was no stronger love in the world and it’s shere power left me breathless, just as you were taking your first breath.
People throw around the saying “New Year, new me” in the hopes of changing their lives for the better, and this has always kind of irked me. But now, I can proudly say “NEW YEAR, NEW ME!” Because that is truly the case, you gave me this gift of being so much more than I was, because now I am a mom. A completely new role, a brand new me, just as Petar is a whole new man as well. Together we enter the New Year tonight, into our new lives. The three of us, surrounded with so much love and support from all around us. Oh how I wish you knew how much they all love you, your grandmas, grandpas, aunts and uncle…and everyone in our lives, really.
Our little miracle, our little son Zrin, for whom they said would never be a possibility … thank you for choosing us as your parents, thank you for having changed my life so much better and thank you for being the best company to enter 2019. with (I’m not even sorry for missing a glass of good rose).
New year, new us.
Lots of love from mom (and dad),