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Unabridged - Wholesome Womanhood, Meaningful Motherhood Unabridged - Wholesome Womanhood, Meaningful Motherhood
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January 19, 2019

#SorryNotSorry

Uncategorized
#SorryNotSorry

I was gone for a while. Some three weeks (give or take a few days), right about how old Zrin is. I started writing this post with an apology for being inactive, and the promise of how I’ll put in more effort and write more often. I caught myself thinking how ridiculous it is to be apologizing for something that’s completely logical and normal. I gave birth, I have the cutest baby ever, a baby that needs love and attention. I’m trying to get used to this new role as a mother, trying to incorporate that new aspect of my life with the person I was before, I’m letting my body recover from pregnancy and birth…

It’s interesting how no one has held it against me that I took a step back from my blog, that I forget to answer messages or that I don’t pick up every time someone calls, but I still have the need to apologize, and I’ve noticed I’m not the only one.

We’ve gotten so used to the fact that everyone is just a text away, you type in a quick message, hit the send button, and puf … you get a response right away. When someone texts us and we don’t answer straight away we often have the need to write something along the lines of “hey sorry, I didn’t hear my phone … I was running errands”, as if we need to justify not being available at any given time. When I think about that a little I realize how unhealthy it is to expect anyone to be present 24/7 as well as thinking we need to be available on the spot for every message, call, etc.

We apologize for things like that all the time. We apologize for having to cancel plans cause something serious and important came up, we apologize for not cleaning our apartment when we’re having friends over, we apologize for being tired even though we’ve worked long hours all week. We keep apologizing for being normal people living their normal lives.

We’ve created this idea in our minds that we have to be on-call all the time, that it’s not OK to have bad days, or to take time for ourselves … suddenly all of this is perceived as selfish. I don’t like that one bit and it just doesn’t seem like a sustainable way of living so I’m going to, at least in this case, try and put a stop to this cycle of pointless apologizing.

There we go, I don’t want to apologize. I want to thank all of you. Thank you for the wonderful wishes and congratulations for the birth of our son Zrin. Thank you for the support you’ve shown me ever since I’ve started this blog, and thank you for being such a positive force in my life.

I have a couple of posts prepared and a couple in the making. When will I put them up? I’m not sure. Will I have some kind of posting schedule? In the future yes, but for now everything is gonna be a little hectic and all over the place because that is my new norm. The norm where I enjoy time with my family, trying to soak in every moment, knowing they will pass by so quickly.

So take time for yourselves, and do what you love. Turn of your phones from time to time if you just don’t feel like answering texts, take a couple of days off from everything, cancel that coffee date if you don’t feel like it and don’t apologize for it. Apologize to yourselves if you’ve (just as I have), let these (unrealistic and unnecessary) expectations that we create for ourselves make you feel uncomfortable or guilty.

Hope you will continue reading what I have to write, even if it’s not too organized at the moment … since one of the magical aspects of motherhood is that I’m more likely to get a real live unicorn than I am to create a productive routine, and you know what? That’s perfectly fine.

With love,

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January 19, 2019

#SorryNotSorry

Crtice iz života
#SorryNotSorry

Nije me dugo bilo. Neka tri tjedna, taman koliko je Zrin star sada. Krenula sam pisati ovaj tekst kao ispriku što sam bila neaktivna, s obećanjem kako ću se sada truditi puno više pisati i uhvatila samo sebe kako je urnebesno to što se ispričavam za nešto što je kompletno logično i normalno. Rodila sam, imam najslađu bebicu ikada, bebicu koja iziskuje pažnju, ljubav i brigu. Uhodavam se u novu ulogu majke, pokušavam tu novu ulogu uklopiti u stare aspekte sebe i svog života, oporavljam se od poroda..itd.

Zanimljivo mi je kako mi nitko ne zamjera to što sam se odmaknula od bloga, što zaboravim odgovoriti na poruke ili što se ne javim na telefon. Ali i dalje se imam potrebu ispričavati, a primijetila sam da nisam jedina.

Toliko smo navikli da su nam svi na “udaljenosti” od par tipki, šibnemo poruku i puf, istog trena dobijemo odgovor. Nama netko pošalje poruku i ako ne odgovorimo odmah imamo potrebu napisati nešto kao “hej sorry, nisam bila pri mobu…obavljala sam xy”, kao da nam treba opravdanje što nismo bili dostupni odmah istog trena. Kada malo razmislim o tome, jasno mi je kao dan koliko je nezdravo očekivati da je netko “on-call” 0-24 i da mi isto svima trebamo biti “tu” u svakom trenutku u danu. Ispričavamo se što moramo otkazati neki dogovor kad nam iskrsne nešto stvarno bitno, ispričavamo se što nismo stigli srediti stan kad nam netko dolazi u goste, ispričavamo se što smo umorni na kavi jer smo tjedan dana radili od jutra do sutra. Ispričavamo se jer smo normalni ljudi koji žive svoje normalne živote.

Stvorili smo sami sebi u glavama tu ideju da moramo biti odmah dostupni, da nije OK imati loše dane, uzeti vremena za sebe…odjednom to postaje sebično. Nikako mi se to ne sviđa i ne čini mi se kao održiv način života tako ću, barem u svom slučaju, tome pokušati stati na kraj.

Tako da evo, ne želim se ispričavati. Želim vam se zahvaliti. Hvala na svim divnim čestitkama i željama povodom rođenja našeg sina Zrina. Hvala na podršci koju ste mi pokazali otkako sam pokrenula ovaj blog i hvala vam što nastavljate biti toliko pozitivna pojava u mom životu.

U pripremi su par novih postova, no kada će biti objavljeni, nisam sigurna. Hoću li imati nekakav raspored objavljivanja? U budućnosti da, za sada će sve biti zbrda zdola, jer mi je to trenutno životna normala. Normala u kojoj uživam sa svojom obitelji, i u kojoj se trudim što više upijati svaki trenutak jer sam svjesna koliko će brzo proći.

Tako da uzmite vremena za sebe, za ono što volite. Ugasite povremeno mobitele ako vam se ne da odgovarati na poruke, uzmite si par dana odmaka, otkažite tu kavu ako vam se ne da ići na nju i nemojte se ispričavati radi tog. Ispričajte se jedino sami sebi, ako ste kao ja pa dopustite da ta (nerealna i nepotrebna) očekivanja koja sami sebi stvorite u glavi stvaraju nelagodu ili grižnju savjesti.

Čitamo se i dalje, kako kada…jer jedne od čari majčinstva znače da ću prije dobiti pravog pravcatog jednoroga nego produktivno rutinu, i znate kaj? To je sasvim uredu.

S ljubavlju,

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My dear Zrin,
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O meni

Una Pašić Gregović

Una Pašić Gregović

25-godišnja "stara duša", rođena u Aleksandriji, Egiptu a smještena u Zagrebu. Mama toddlera, žena bradatog čovjeka, strastvena doula, edukatorica i savjetnica, zaljubljenica u holistički pristup ženskom zdravlju, ljubiteljica putovanja, kuhanja i dobrih ljudi.

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